Day 2 …

Dear friends and Family,

I really have nothing to say but part of the "30 Day Positivity Challenge" is to Journal things.
So here I am sitting in my room, listening to the rain outside my window and I have a headache type feeling in back of my head and along the back of my neck. A tingly, tight feeling. Not exactly tingly but prickly.

Today I woke up fine. Until I realized that this day was grey and would be just as the others. Im reminded that I don't have a car and I can't go downtown to the Gay bars and see my "Friends" which I so desperately wish to be apart of. To see the drag shows and to paint the beautiful performers and dance and have a good time and talk to people Ive only met once or twice or have only carried a conversation with via Facebook . . . Im reminded that I am here in friends wood. riding my bike to work in the wind, rain and sometimes cold. The heat when its that time of year again.

I realize it tuesday and that one of the free days at the museum or the zoo .. . and I could be down there by myself just enjoying the day. peacefully . . .

If only someone in my family cared enough to teach me to drive and to give me a vehicle . Instead of giving cars to my sister who just destroyed them. 4 vehicles to be exact.

For years Ive dreamed up a life I want and haven't lived because Ive been alone and carless and neglected . . my heart is breaking and tears are in my eyes and Im about to head across the street to my best friend danielles house because I feel so helpless and numb that I need to be with someone tonight so Im not alone and feeling crazy in my room,

tommorrow I don't not work and the week maybe rainy so I hear and I dread the gloom that will be over.

I know to be strong, an inner instinct is telling me to not be alone tonight. Go see Danielle . .

Things will have to get better won't they?


Today Im great full for my sight, my sense of humor which you all may know and Danielle. If she didn't live across the street I don't what Id do.

Ps Don't worry to much Im making plans to see a specialist about my the way Ive been feeling to help balance and make sense of it all.

goodnight
-Xavier