The thoughts of this Artist . . .

Dear Glammour Bunnies,

Art is no lie, it is truth . . . actually Art can be a lie. I suppose either one of those statements I made is true for who ever believes so. I am one of those that has to write out what is inside them, it makes sense to me as I can gt the words out. I say over and over that I will try not to let personal issues get in the way of my sharing my artwork with you all, but whatever happens in my life be it Good or Bad will effect my abbilities to create. If Im sad or unhappy, I paint and think it out, sometimes over thinking things. I used to be able to block things out and just paint but I dont anymore, not sure why. I can paint when Im happy, I draw with a smile on my face and in my heart, I cant wait to finish the piece Im working on and I cant wait for everything else I will be doing next.

One flaw, one tiny, little flaw that I wish I knew how to control, and I usually, normally do . . . Its nice to find that strength that lifts me out of whatever hideous, cloak that is wearing me down. I dislike the way the unhappiness creeps up out of nowhere and Im left trying to figure out where it all went wrong and how the hell am I going to get out of it?

*On a not so clear mind I will repeat myself alot, so bear with me, its usually due to me trying to re-word things to make sense to myself.*


I, like many others in the world, (I am assuming) happen to become very depressed at times, sometimes heart breakingly depressed, as if there is no way in hell that anything will turn for the better. My Life seemed to be great, for myself the last month, I got a new job, that lasted about a month? I cant remember it was fast. I liked it, I really did, it was an easy job to do for a local diner, good pay every friday, not enough but guranteed money every week. I felt that everything was in place for me, I have a car, (that works, but I couldnt use yet for it needed minor work done.) I have a bike that I use often, I've had a couple of art shows lined up. I had some responsibities that made me a grownup and Im virtually on my own. I felt great about my life.


My mother moved away about two weeks ago. She was here for about 9 months, "visiting". The morning she left, just happend to be my last day at work . . . It sucked. I am now living in a mess, seeing that I am basically alone I dont clean up as much and I just leave junk lying around, "Who's to get after me?? I can leave dishes in the sink. My clothes are fine on the floor." I've gotten incredibly lazy and terribly alone . . .

My Boyfriend has had a very rough year . . . We are both looking for work, we both have cars that dont work, we both have bikes, though mine works and his doesnt . . . anymore. I can tell he is just as depressed as myself. Fortunetly, he has the ability to be stronger in a situatuion like this . . .

As of right now, I have stopped to think to myself,  I am torn between wanting to lay in be all day and not care anymore or wanting to tell myself everything will be okay!! Everthing is fine, you just need to move foward and not give up. You have a roof over your head, food and clothes and a bike, oh and lots of art supplies.

more to come . . . Im betting tht everything will get better soon again , , ,