Starting over.

Dear Me,


I am beginning my new life, I set out on this journey in mid February. What was only to be a possible two week visit turned into a permanent stay. When I tried for months to get a job in Harlingen at Forever 21, nothing. I was in town not even a week and I get the job.
I have been staying with my best friend, she helped with deciding what was the most logical step after my whirlwind relationship ended and I was deeply afraid of making the same mistakes again. I wanted to, truly in heart I wanted to stay with him   but I just couldn't give myself the chance. I couldn't let myself down, the dreams, goals and new things I saw and expected for myself. The thought of going back just made me feel disappointed, and I was sad at the idea of me being the one to take away my own happiness. As much as I missed him, us, and his family. I dont miss the way I was treated. The constant heartache, the hopelessness, the tears, wishing and  hoping he would come to his marvelous senses and then we could fix what was broken. It never happened, for two months, I knew exactly what I had to do, make plans to leave. As time crept closer, I continued to pray he was going to show up at my door step and finally tell me all I had needed to hear. Sadly, I wish I was making that up. Every day and night, teary eyed and heart broken hoping I would see him pull into my drive way, or walk right in come to me and say, "Im sorry."

Nothing. cut to a week before I leave. He had, shall I even call it perfect timing? Deep down inside I knew it would all play out the way it did. It took me having to leave for him to realize everything he had, who I was to him. I was a loving, caring, and honorable man to him. I loved him greatly and deeply, my heart was his. He took it for granted so many times.

Im happier now then I was then. I've a second chance at life, and it's scary and exciting. The starting over process is hard now for what I can tell and see. I'm okay with it though, a little hard work pays off. I know alot about hard work, I remember Michael always telling me, "You need to suffer a little, you haven't suffered enough." I'd like him to live my life from growing up and having your family fall apart, split and pending divorce, starting in 2003-2008, 2008 when I set out on my art career, all the way through when I met him then how our relationship ended, to today. Ive "suffered" enough. With him I had something I was looking for I felt I lost with in my own family. I couldn't depend on him anymore, nothing was stable. Now I can do that for myself, and it feels good doing it all for me.