Starting over.

Dear Me,


I am beginning my new life, I set out on this journey in mid February. What was only to be a possible two week visit turned into a permanent stay. When I tried for months to get a job in Harlingen at Forever 21, nothing. I was in town not even a week and I get the job.
I have been staying with my best friend, she helped with deciding what was the most logical step after my whirlwind relationship ended and I was deeply afraid of making the same mistakes again. I wanted to, truly in heart I wanted to stay with him   but I just couldn't give myself the chance. I couldn't let myself down, the dreams, goals and new things I saw and expected for myself. The thought of going back just made me feel disappointed, and I was sad at the idea of me being the one to take away my own happiness. As much as I missed him, us, and his family. I dont miss the way I was treated. The constant heartache, the hopelessness, the tears, wishing and  hoping he would come to his marvelous senses and then we could fix what was broken. It never happened, for two months, I knew exactly what I had to do, make plans to leave. As time crept closer, I continued to pray he was going to show up at my door step and finally tell me all I had needed to hear. Sadly, I wish I was making that up. Every day and night, teary eyed and heart broken hoping I would see him pull into my drive way, or walk right in come to me and say, "Im sorry."

Nothing. cut to a week before I leave. He had, shall I even call it perfect timing? Deep down inside I knew it would all play out the way it did. It took me having to leave for him to realize everything he had, who I was to him. I was a loving, caring, and honorable man to him. I loved him greatly and deeply, my heart was his. He took it for granted so many times.

Im happier now then I was then. I've a second chance at life, and it's scary and exciting. The starting over process is hard now for what I can tell and see. I'm okay with it though, a little hard work pays off. I know alot about hard work, I remember Michael always telling me, "You need to suffer a little, you haven't suffered enough." I'd like him to live my life from growing up and having your family fall apart, split and pending divorce, starting in 2003-2008, 2008 when I set out on my art career, all the way through when I met him then how our relationship ended, to today. Ive "suffered" enough. With him I had something I was looking for I felt I lost with in my own family. I couldn't depend on him anymore, nothing was stable. Now I can do that for myself, and it feels good doing it all for me.

Lana Del Rey

Since coming to know of Lana Del Rey and her music I was determined to paint her. She is, visually a well put together creation with which I draw inspiration from. I love vintage things and old timey gals, she sorta reaks old Hollywood Glam not to mention she seems to always be dolled up in 60s gear. I love 1960s girls. So with that being said ... which was some of my brain letting loose lol ... I've begun a conquest to create a pinup of LDR. It was tough, she has a very sculpted face and very delicate features all in one. I first thought it'd be easy to draw her. As I realized it was not all fun and games. Months passed and I haven't really given up, I have finally a completed a water color study and pencil piece. 
The images below are pretty much the development of the idea. Hope it is enjoyed.

Some new stuff!!

So its been a while since I shared anything, been busy with some life changing events. As well as a new job. Here's some stuff to keep yall happy ...

A letter to you ...

... from a healing heart,

So Im writing this to you. You text and email me as if it is okay, sure on your end, you may feel that these bridges you've destroyed are mended. They are far from where you thought you left them.

I keep myself from texting you, or contacting you in anyway. I know it will only leave me broken hearted again. How many times in the past would I text you and never get a reply? The day you ignored me in public still plays in my mind, it is a reminder of who you really are. So was the last day/night I saw you. I was reminded of who you are. I was dissapointed the moment I stepped into your car. You were different, but still the same in many ways. You changed the way you dressed, again. You've changed your diet, again. You changed your views on life again. Had another so called "awakening."

Same story, different day. Ive seen this person many different times before. Under different guises, you've not settled into the shoes of who you are, the person I fell in love with. He's gone, a memory. A lovely memory that I reflect on with love and happiness. I smile and smirk, than Im sad for it is gone. That being said, I am no longer in the position to know what you are doing with your life. If I wanted to know I would've been the one to text, email . . . wave at you.

-Xavier

Evangeline, The Oyster Girl

Just sharing two detail shots of a pinup portrait I'm doing of Kitty West, who was a burlesque dancer in New Orleans.

"Behind the Burly-Q" Book!!

Hey folks,

Just thought Id share the book trailer for "Behind the Burly-Q." A fabulous book version of the documentary. Filled with photographs, interviews and the stories of the women themselves, sure to be a treasure for any Burlesque fan or performer! Due out later this year!

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=lIZE-qGio9c&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DlIZE-qGio9c 

-Xavier

Beefcake!

Just showing a new piece I did early this morning. Its a watercolor painting of a model named Joe Napolie from the 1950s. I used a photo of him from a Vintage Beefcake magazine I bought.
Below are a couple of shots, just before and after. The pics maybe bad due to my camera phone ... but its better than nothing! Haha

-Xavier